2009 Mind (Out of, with No Empire or State)
i'm writing in retrospect, so please bare with me
guess what
i have been summoned by my own conscious and i have to write
something that needs to be said and put out there for folks to know
I'm not perfect, I've lied and cheated
I've even snuck around
I've lusted and desired for some so much, i gave away so much to show my caring and selfish motives
you got me
in the flesh and at my weakest
my dream to scream and not make a scene
but to hear a murmur for thousands to acknowledge
and pray for
i can't say all that i would like to say but
with my concern, sincerity and resolutions in mind
it will be understood in his or her own terms
and know exactly what, where and why
somebody use to see the best in me and would ignore my faults
what a gift to bestow upon anyone
but a dangerous one
i even had a GPS put on a car that doesn't even belong to me
just to see where i was going, just to see if i were lying
mind you, you didn't even know me
with all i know and could have assumed, there was no way in hell
would you know my every second, let alone my whereabouts
when you yourself, have been on the other Brown shoe
the one who go stepped on and lied to in first person
i'm not your ex and just for the record, i lied, yes i lied to protect me for a change
does it make me better
nope
does it make sense to everyone
nope
i'm doing my own "damage control", so i guess i can't hold yours
to heart either
so if you can't dig that, oh well, look forward to hearing a Sharp story
please be sure to tell what you got up your Sprint Maps too
I don't think caramel deserves that, no one does, but we'll see at the show
I've been at risk for so long with this relative madness
to lose my mind and soul to another person
to make love to my thoughts and stab my heart
leave open wounds and laugh at my bandages
hell I'm missing $1200 right now just because i cared too much
like Irvin cared too much for football
and look where it got him
having to start all over over, damn it, AGAIN!!!!
let's not even get on an anchor that could have been Nealon
and you didn't get picked up on HBO
or was that another one of your so-called professions
lies upon lies make for a helluva mayonnaise
you eat it
I'm going vegan this season
i better leave well enough alone
i just want to do the right thing and set the record straight
once and for all
YOU need to fess up to the shit you've done, stop lying to half of DFW, Arlington, Bedford, Euless & Hurst
and the sad part is that I know more than I should
and with the possibilities I could
and they would make you blue in the face
walking around with egg dripping on your shirt
and probably have an organization off of 35 with an arrest warrant
not cause i'm hurt
just cause you remind me of dirt
i have to dust off my kicks on the way back to my sanity
thanks for the fake tears that you so-called shed with my own
and for the mind you left blown
cheers
props on wrecking my tented shelter
but i have the last laugh now
i bet Chi-town is really missing not one but two of it's best liars
that loved each other so hard and passionately
how's that felony going
my bad, that was so ugly
three into two just want go and that's what the song said
no pain and no tears
oh it just don't hurt no more....smiles from ear to ear
you broke my heart and left with no goodbye
and the moment you caused all of this unnecessary commotion
i found a new love in myself and a fire that could be lit in the coldest of cold
i refused to look back, just like before
there's no chance dear, to kill any or all of my hopes
and guess what, it don't hurt no more
if i would have know the foolishness
from the very start, i would have chosen to never step foot in the devil's den
then you had the nerve to tell, we were meant to be
you had me walking with crutches knowing damn well these legs are just fine
i found out you and it is and never will be you
fake is what ain't not what is
so where am I in all of this
at home, alone and starting over
i have been proposed to twice for marriage
hoping it would have been the first
that never asked
i'm ready for love
all over
inside and out
why do you hide so much from me
or are you just in front of me
i'll close my eyes, and place my hands out in front
let me reach out for joy and not pain
and all the time that it should take
just show me some kind of grace
maybe you're not ready for me
are you still afraid of me
my imperfections are not my skin
and my skin deserves to be cleansed everyday
i am not my yesterday
just acknowledge my today and that i'm here
willing, able and capable
let my fly like an airplane
into your destiny
embracing me for eternity
but with my struggles in 2009
i'm in my 2010
all i can do is be patient
and hope that the love that i desire and require
will bless me with a chance
to be happy with and not happy apart
i am so ready for love overflowing
if you take me so slow and guide me your way
i will learn all that you have to teach me
and for translations, i will do the best i can
i offer all of i
me and unseen parts of my voice
my whimpers at night when
the sheets hold me tighter
than my imagination
you can have it all
i'm giving it over to you
myself
all that i am
to you
without giving me and giving up me
in anyway
handing over the inhibition of failure and disaster
and replacing it with the time to shine
and the moment to share
all that needs to be
to be right and to exist with purpose
goodbye 2009
guess what
i have been summoned by my own conscious and i have to write
something that needs to be said and put out there for folks to know
I'm not perfect, I've lied and cheated
I've even snuck around
I've lusted and desired for some so much, i gave away so much to show my caring and selfish motives
you got me
in the flesh and at my weakest
my dream to scream and not make a scene
but to hear a murmur for thousands to acknowledge
and pray for
i can't say all that i would like to say but
with my concern, sincerity and resolutions in mind
it will be understood in his or her own terms
and know exactly what, where and why
somebody use to see the best in me and would ignore my faults
what a gift to bestow upon anyone
but a dangerous one
i even had a GPS put on a car that doesn't even belong to me
just to see where i was going, just to see if i were lying
mind you, you didn't even know me
with all i know and could have assumed, there was no way in hell
would you know my every second, let alone my whereabouts
when you yourself, have been on the other Brown shoe
the one who go stepped on and lied to in first person
i'm not your ex and just for the record, i lied, yes i lied to protect me for a change
does it make me better
nope
does it make sense to everyone
nope
i'm doing my own "damage control", so i guess i can't hold yours
to heart either
so if you can't dig that, oh well, look forward to hearing a Sharp story
please be sure to tell what you got up your Sprint Maps too
I don't think caramel deserves that, no one does, but we'll see at the show
I've been at risk for so long with this relative madness
to lose my mind and soul to another person
to make love to my thoughts and stab my heart
leave open wounds and laugh at my bandages
hell I'm missing $1200 right now just because i cared too much
like Irvin cared too much for football
and look where it got him
having to start all over over, damn it, AGAIN!!!!
let's not even get on an anchor that could have been Nealon
and you didn't get picked up on HBO
or was that another one of your so-called professions
lies upon lies make for a helluva mayonnaise
you eat it
I'm going vegan this season
i better leave well enough alone
i just want to do the right thing and set the record straight
once and for all
YOU need to fess up to the shit you've done, stop lying to half of DFW, Arlington, Bedford, Euless & Hurst
and the sad part is that I know more than I should
and with the possibilities I could
and they would make you blue in the face
walking around with egg dripping on your shirt
and probably have an organization off of 35 with an arrest warrant
not cause i'm hurt
just cause you remind me of dirt
i have to dust off my kicks on the way back to my sanity
thanks for the fake tears that you so-called shed with my own
and for the mind you left blown
cheers
props on wrecking my tented shelter
but i have the last laugh now
i bet Chi-town is really missing not one but two of it's best liars
that loved each other so hard and passionately
how's that felony going
my bad, that was so ugly
three into two just want go and that's what the song said
no pain and no tears
oh it just don't hurt no more....smiles from ear to ear
you broke my heart and left with no goodbye
and the moment you caused all of this unnecessary commotion
i found a new love in myself and a fire that could be lit in the coldest of cold
i refused to look back, just like before
there's no chance dear, to kill any or all of my hopes
and guess what, it don't hurt no more
if i would have know the foolishness
from the very start, i would have chosen to never step foot in the devil's den
then you had the nerve to tell, we were meant to be
you had me walking with crutches knowing damn well these legs are just fine
i found out you and it is and never will be you
fake is what ain't not what is
so where am I in all of this
at home, alone and starting over
i have been proposed to twice for marriage
hoping it would have been the first
that never asked
i'm ready for love
all over
inside and out
why do you hide so much from me
or are you just in front of me
i'll close my eyes, and place my hands out in front
let me reach out for joy and not pain
and all the time that it should take
just show me some kind of grace
maybe you're not ready for me
are you still afraid of me
my imperfections are not my skin
and my skin deserves to be cleansed everyday
i am not my yesterday
just acknowledge my today and that i'm here
willing, able and capable
let my fly like an airplane
into your destiny
embracing me for eternity
but with my struggles in 2009
i'm in my 2010
all i can do is be patient
and hope that the love that i desire and require
will bless me with a chance
to be happy with and not happy apart
i am so ready for love overflowing
if you take me so slow and guide me your way
i will learn all that you have to teach me
and for translations, i will do the best i can
i offer all of i
me and unseen parts of my voice
my whimpers at night when
the sheets hold me tighter
than my imagination
you can have it all
i'm giving it over to you
myself
all that i am
to you
without giving me and giving up me
in anyway
handing over the inhibition of failure and disaster
and replacing it with the time to shine
and the moment to share
all that needs to be
to be right and to exist with purpose
goodbye 2009
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