Do You Know (Dear John?)

dear so & so
and yes, I would have added your name
but lately, you're someone induced with self-loathing
so figure out who you are on your own time
this is my space and
i'm taking the time
in where you decided not to be
i tried to be a friend
a lover
a confidant
and a good man to you
but for whatever reason
you shit on that idea
i thought of you with selfless intentions
i had so many ideas to help
and be there for you
more than verbal
but being a presence and blessing in your life
but you shit on that idea too
i'm so done
loving you was easy
trying to get you to see the "no strings" attached
was complete hell
your ex and my ex, let's not even go there
one of the most evil people i've ever encountered
and you managed to send him texts
some real unthinkable shit
why would you take the time play with the devil
logic was not in your reasoning
at times i felt like your step-up and step-in father
when your real one didn't
i found myself trying to teach you common sense
loving without a favor in return
living for today in spite of the weather
some simple things for a lifetime of better planned days ahead
but you did what you wanted to do
you lied and got caught up
and yeah
you saw a side that was fed up
the part of me that i'm not too proud of
the side that will be a fool's fool
just for the parody and entertainment of
proving a point
yeah, me being human
its true
i'm not perfect, but i strive in my life
to be better than yesterday
and better for tomorrow
and the fool comes with the package too
and unfortunately
my heart to proved to be a bigger fool
for ever deciding to trust you
i was wounded when i met you
and i do not excuse myself for that
nor do i rely on that as an excuse
my preface to you was this:
try to let someone into your heart
don't let the familiar be familiar
take a chance
win or lose
try loving and forgiving at the same time
........and you dined on my compassion, kindness and tolerance
you filthy bastard
am i upset, nope
i'm really just deeply hurt and pissed the fuck off
ask yourself this question
when was the last time you decided to love the unknown?
it ain't easy by no means
i spent so many seconds
minutes
hours
days and nights
worried sick about your well-being
and i all i got
was a damn text message that was an after thought
you didn't spend those nights alone like i did
worrying about you
worried about you when you didn't even care about yourself
i didn't even know if you were even in the best of company
did you drink too much
or are you doing drugs
or are you cheating on me again
you couldn't even be my friend
for being so damn selfish
i paid the rent for a place where others were invited before me to even spend the night
even the whores that played on my phone
dumb ass, you should have checked your reality pulse
i paid for dinners for us both to enjoy
i paid for clothes to replace the ones stolen from your ex
i paid for dishes to eat off of that others were already eating off of before me
i paid for groceries before i even bought the things i needed for myself
damn you so much right now
i traded places with my common ground for unknown hellish conditions
and worst of all
you lied and cheated and lied and lied some more
you had scared me to death
worrying about your own existence
you killed a piece of me
that so undeniably present
i'm fearful of another you
and i try to hold onto the better moments
but the mess that you've caused
seems to prevail all
i know that there will be plenty of questions
but for those who read this and know me
think for a minute, this ain't about you
if you've cosigned any of these horrible actions
or you're putting someone through this unnecessarily
just wear them like a sweater in summer
hot and uncomfortable, seems like hell to me
and that's probably where you need to be