Addressed To Me

You wrote me a letter
Addressed to me
With the best penmanship
When I saw your name
The one who wrote
I got scared
Was it good
Was it bad
My mind raced at the thought
Of your words on paper
To me
Of all people who better deserved this than me
Your heart written with a pen
Taken higher with marks on paper
For me
When I started to read
My heart fell somewhat low
I knew you cared when you showed
Yourself in first person via words from afar
Visited & dropped off by a stranger
I knew you
In a way that was displayed by the way you personalized that compact disk
Yeah you
I listened to every song
When I heard Jill Scott
I knew
Right then and there
You liked me more than I thought
Was it the soda that tasted like cotton candy
Or the diabetic coma you put me in
From being so hospitable and sugary
All at once
The man from a different land
But your words still strike me
Not in a hurtful manner
But a reminder
In this world
My world is not everything
When you’re invited
You’re inviting moreover
Share
Don’t be selfish
You might just miss out
And from the words you’ve written
I think I have
Maybe I’m foolish
Maybe I’m stupid at times
But I never wanted to mislead nor be on the verge of mistreatment
My life these days have not been uncomplicated
And to enjoy them at times when moments
The spare moments
If any
That have not been distressed
Have been few
And I was able to share a couple of those moments
With you
You were so warm
So nice
And just to hear that accent
Made me a little hot
I know
Perversion
When least expected
But that was just something else
Added to what I liked about you
And this was a bonus
If you will
For reasons only I can share in person
Winking and grinning on the inside
And moaning out loud
You remember
Those moments to be teased
Like a southern white woman’s hair
A big moment for the both of us
And I’m still reading those words
On paper
And I see that I left you hanging
In a way that I wish I could repair
I’m saying to myself
How much would he understand
My tasks
My chores
My duties
My responsibilities
I’m taken back by the thoughts of your sympathetic motives
I’m taken back by what I have to do
I’m taken back by what I am left only for myself
I’m taken back
All together
I am leftovers by a choice driven by life’s expedition
And I hurt you by not letting you in
I’m sorry
And I mean it with veins of good intent
And sacrifices made with selfless intentions
I just wish my wounds weren’t in the way
I just wish my uncertainty of tomorrow’s weather wasn’t in the way
My dreams sometimes never make it to my bed
When I try to rest
So hear me loud
So hear me when I can’t respond
Talking to you
Telling you
Meaning everything I’ve meant to say
Hope to say
Meant to write
Meant to touch
Meant to kiss
Clung to for life itself
Even stepping on the gas just to make it in time
To spend enough moments
To see you
And spend just with you
Forgive me when your eyes say yes
And when your heart plays fair with your psyche
Know that I am
Totally aware
So that you be can acquainted with
That you
Do mean something
More than
What I’ve exposed